


if you leave me now

by kontatsu



Category: The Half of It (2020)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Slow Burn, Useless Lesbians
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:14:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24000424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kontatsu/pseuds/kontatsu
Summary: Five years later, Ellie is a successful author who thinks she's got everything she needs in life. Little does she know, not unlike love, life is just as messy.
Relationships: Ellie Chu/Aster Flores
Comments: 50
Kudos: 245





	if you leave me now

_Five years later…_

**Seattle, WA**

Today was Ellie's day off.

Well technically, _every_ day was her day off, if she wanted it to be. She was an author, after all.

And a _best-selling_ author at that.

Yes, yours truly had graduated at the top of Grinnell College's prestigious English department, with the revered distinction of _summa cumme laude_. Although if you asked her, it was "nothing impressive, I'm just doing what I love."

Half urged by Ba's worries of job insecurity stemming from the nature of her major in a rapidly developing, technology-driven world, she'd pushed herself to get a head start on her career in the summer before her senior year. And she did so, doing what she loved to do best.

Writing.

"A _book?_ You're writing a whole book while you're in college?" Paul had gaped over FaceTime. "I couldn't even read a single book in four years of high school."

"Yeup. C'mon, have some faith in me! Mrs. Geselschap thinks I'm totally capable."

"Never said you weren't," Paul grunted, a little miffed. "Just don't want you to tire yourself out, that's all. Shouldn't you be having like, the time of your life or something?"

"Says the guy still making sausages in Squahamish," Ellie teased.

"Yeah well, that's how I think _everyone_ should be having the time of their life."

"I know you do, sausage master. Don't worry, I'll make time for friends and stuff. But I think I can do this."

"Yeah? I won't argue then. Call me up whenever you're stuck, I'll know just the brainfood to keep you going," Paul waved a freshly made taco-sausage to the camera. "Oh, Margot is calling. We're gonna get burgers and fries in a few."

"Margot, huh? Who's she?" The tips of Paul's ears flamed red, visible even over the blurry video.

"Maybe someone. The one, I dunno."

"Oooooh, eyeball emoji." Ellie smirked, then, "Did I use that right?"

Her best friend laughed, making Ellie grin just as wide.

"Thumbs-up emoji."

~

To everyone's surprise, and even Ellie's herself, the book took a mere four months to write.

"Wow, all that essay writing sure paid off," Mrs. Geselschap had laughed over the phone.

Four months! Along with the slew of honors courses she was taking. Naturally, this was only possible if she had vanished off the face of the planet in those four months, which in fact she had. Her girlfriend Gen even accused her of wanting to break up, which Ellie countered by profusely writing her romantic Google Docs letters on top of all the writing she was doing.

What was she writing?

A novel.

About what?

A nerdy, Asian girl helping a popular football jock woo the beautiful girl of his dreams. Countless letters and texts penned under false names.

A nerdy, Asian girl and a popular football jock becoming the best of friends.

And both falling for the same, beautiful girl. Clearly, it wasn't a love story where everyone got what they wanted.

But to Ellie, that's what made love beautiful. So, so messily beautiful.

Of course, it was probably easy to guess why the whole writing process only took her four months. Once she'd gotten back into the headspace of her own senior year in high school, the memories flooded back with no restraints. How lonely she was, before she found Paul. How trapped she felt, stewing within the stifling traditions of an American small town community. How _freaking awkward_ she could get, especially around…her.

Aster.

If Ellie was being honest, Aster Flores had crossed her mind more times than she would have liked during her college years. Even the most trivial things could provoke the sweet, innocent feelings of her high school crush, from passing one of Iowa's many lakes on the freeway, to a class reading on existentialism.

The only difference was, the feelings now were nostalgic, a world away from the hopeful Ellie who used to dream of one day having Aster Flores in her arms to call her own.

Other than finding out that Aster ended up attending the esteemed Rhode Island School of Design, and through Mrs. Geselschap nonetheless, that was all Ellie knew about Aster's whereabouts.

Throughout her freshman year she'd tried messaging her through their old Ghost Messenger a couple of times, even directly calling her to say Happy Birthday. All to no avail.

So she concluded that Aster was ignoring her. Or weirded out by her gayness. Possibly some combination of the two. In any case, she lost all hope of ever meeting her again.

And then she met Gen Ocampo at a frat party. She'd already known of Gen through Sigma Tau Delta, when they both joined the English honor society as freshman pledges. Much like Ellie, Gen was incredibly driven and passionate about her studies.

Also, she was a brunette and stunning and well, Ellie had a type.

To compare, Gen Ocampo was to Grinnell College as Aster Flores had been to Squahamish High. And even better - she was openly queer.

All throughout their underclassmen years, Gen never batted an eyelash at Ellie, even though Ellie was easily the most outspoken student in their class.

Then in the summer of her sophomore year Ellie decided that she was going to glow up. And [glow up she did](https://www.instagram.com/p/B8eWexxpPNr/), with the help of Paul as her personal trainer. After that, she noticed that Gen started looking her way during classes and actually engaging in conversations with her more often.

Longing stares across the study hall. Apprehension welling up inside Ellie's throat every time they were paired together for debates. The pining was real, and she swore that Gen was feeling the same way.

But they'd never formally introduced themselves, mainly because Ellie always panicked in her presence.

"Packed party, isn't it?" Gen sidled up to her at the punch table.

"Tell me about it," Ellie said, catching herself before she could spit her punch out in gay shock. "You're Gen Ocampo, right?" she added, as if they hadn't shared the same classes for the past three years.

Gen giggled, "Yeah."

"I'm Ellie Chu."

"Yeah, I know," Gen smirked, and Ellie couldn't help but remember another brunette beauty saying those exact same words to her in a crowded hallway, what seemed like ages ago…

She pushed it out of her mind. Aster wasn't here anymore, but _Gen_ certainly was.

Even though there was the temptation of booze and boys, Gen ended up staying by Ellie's side. They hightailed it out of the frat apartment to sit together on the sidewalk and talk about classes. At some point, they got close enough to where their knees were touching and they could feel each others' warmth penetrating the chilly night air.

Ellie went home that night with butterflies in her stomach and a phone number in her pocket. A month later, Gen surprised her with a kiss and the proposal to be her girlfriend.

Paul was ecstatic to learn that his friend had finally gotten cuffed ("Hey, can you teach me how to get girls too?"). He told Ellie that they looked perfect together, and most of the time Ellie believed it.

Key word being, _most._ Sure, Gen had been with her through some of the happiest moments in her life. She was there when the book, a young adult romance titled _The Half of It_ was finally published under Ellie's alias, Leah Lewis. Ellie knew she was in love when one of Gen's sweet kisses made her grin harder than another critic's review praising her novel.

But she always felt like _something_ was missing.

She just didn't know what. And she didn't know if she wanted to find out.

~

_Present_

"Babe, it's my day off. Do you want to do something?" Ellie smiled over a sizzling pan of bacon and eggs at her girlfriend, who was currently perched at their dining table and wearing a sleepy expression on her face.

Gen didn't reply and kept scrolling on her phone, looking slightly dazed.

"Uh…Gen, you alright?"

"What? Oh, yes," Gen startled and set her phone down, "I mean, no. I've got a ton of articles I need to write…"

"I thought you were finished?"

An apologetic smile. "I'm always getting new ones."

"Oh, okay," Ellie said, even though deep down it wasn't. It was her one day off before logistics and planning kicked off for the hardcover, limited edition of _The Half of It_ starting tomorrow, which meant she wouldn't be free for the next few weeks or so. "I'll uh, wash dishes for you then?"

"Thanks babe, you're so sweet. I don't know what I'd do without you."

A virtually silent meal and a set of washed silverware later, Ellie changed into something more presentable to go and fetch the mail. As she trodded down the apartment stairs, she wondered when her steps had gotten so heavy.

Things weren't always like this. A year ago, they'd moved into their cozy Seattle apartment, fresh out of college and eyes wide with the prospects of living in a big city. Gen had snatched a position as a staff writer for _The Seattle Times_ , and Ellie's book was hot off the press, and hot in almost everyone's reviews.

Half a year later and they had become…distant. Maybe it just meant they were over the honeymoon phase. Or maybe it was all that Seattle rain.

Ellie shrugged it off, decidedly focusing on the mail yet to be retrieved. She turned the key in the lock, half expecting to see the usual stash of grocery newsletters and utility bills. A rich, cream-colored envelope caught her eye, addressed to _Ms. Ellie Chu_ in fancy script. It teased her like Pandora's box the whole way back to the apartment. Was it another publisher wanting to sign a deal with her? Or even better…had a director requested the rights to make _The Half of It_ a movie?!

When she got back to hers and Gen's shared bedroom, she tore the envelope open, fully expecting to proclaim some kind of good news to Gen.

Instead, her heart dropped to the floor:

_You are cordially invited to celebrate the wedding of Aster Flores and Trig Carson._

~

"Did you know that Aster Flores and Trig Carson are getting married?!"

"I didn't even know they were still together!"

Ellie had immediately FaceTimed Paul, who had checked his own mailbox to receive the same invite.

"How could you not know?! Squahamish is a small town!"

"Geez, sorry…" Paul grimaced, "But, why are you so worked up about it? Don't tell me…you still like her?"

"What? God, no!" Ellie exclaimed, although she felt her heart skip. "It's just, Trig's an entitled ass. At least, he _was_ and he doesn't seem like the type to change."

"He's very handsome, though. Sometimes that's all the girls can see."

"But Aster isn't like other girls…"

Paul raised an eyebrow, suspicious of his friend's denial of a lingering crush. "I'm not surprised, though. She's straight. I mean, she kissed me back in high school."

"Paul," Ellie looked at her friend dead in the eyes, "I kissed her before I left for college."

"You _what?_ "

"I kissed her and she said she'd figure herself out after college."

"And you didn't tell me?" Paul pouted.

"I didn't want to hurt you more than I already did…"

"Okay, fine. Well, I guess she figured out that she was straight."

Ellie sighed. "Looks like it."

"Wedding's in a month. Won't it be exciting? It'll be like high school all over again, I bet the whole town's invited," Paul grinned.

"I…I'm not going."

"Why not?" Paul's expression dropped before morphing into one of concern. "Oh, I know why. Don't bullshit yourself, Ellie. I can tell you still have a soft spot for Aster. "

"I _don't._ I'm just still uncomfortable from the whole…thing we pulled."

"You get all sad when you mention her."

"I'm not sad, Paul. I have Gen, I have Ba, I have you…I have everything I need."

While she loved every single one of these people and was grateful for their presence in her life, she knew what she said wasn't entirely true. Because if she had everything, she wouldn't feel that nagging feeling, like she was a puzzle missing its final piece.

~

It turned out today _wasn't_ a free day, not anymore. Her manager Lara Jean texted to let her know that she'd be meeting with the artist of the dust jacket for the hard cover version of _The Half of It._

She'd handpicked the art herself, having requested to not be informed of the candidates' names lest that might induce a bias to her choice. The chosen artwork was a beautiful piece of oil painting, depicting a faceless woman reaching for someone, presumably her other half, amidst a background of abstract art. Ellie loved how the imagery seemed so random, yet she could tell there was an intent to every single stroke.

And if she squinted really hard, she could pick out the five, _boldest_ strokes that made it not just a good painting, but a _great_ one.

"Headed out?" Gen lifted her head from her laptop upon seeing Ellie bundled up in a coat at the doorway.

"Yeup," Ellie replied, resisting the instinct to make her tone curt, "Turns out it's not my free day after all."

"Oh? Something came up?"

"Meeting. Book stuff," Ellie gave in, ending up making her tone curt.

Gen pouted. "Oh, sorry about that, babe. I'll make it up to you, I promise."

Although Ellie didn't particularly expect her to, she smiled at that, feeling her mood lightening up. "Thanks. I'm going to be at Starbucks, want me to bring you some?"

"I'd love that. I love _you._ "

"Love you too. I'll see you later?"

Her face fell when Gen didn't reply, already back to being absorbed in whatever she was doing on her laptop.

"I guess I'll see you later," she mumbled, and ambled out into the chilly winter air.

~

It was a quick bus ride to the local Starbucks. Lara Jean told her that they were already there, seated at the table next to the mugs. Ellie felt weirdly apprehensive. It was her first time doing a meeting like this; she'd done written interviews but nothing that required face-to-face interaction. After all, she was writing as Leah Lewis and _not_ Ellie Chu.

She wondered what the artist might think upon seeing "the famed, breakout author" of _The Half of It_. Would they be expecting some sophisticated, gorgeous beauty?

To hell with other people's opinions, she decided. She could be a bit awkward at times, but _of course_ she was sophisticated - she was a Grinnell graduate, after all. And with her wild, luscious hair that hung loosely at her shoulders combined with her new enthusiasm for makeup, she had to say she was _quite_ the eye-catcher.

Upon entering, she was hit with a blast of warm air, a fine relief from the blistering cold outside. Immediately, she spotted Lara Jean at said tables, waiting for her with more samples of the artwork in her hands. "Ellie! Over here!"

"Hey Lara," Ellie slid into the chair beside her, craning her head to see if anyone else was joining them. "Where's the artist?"

"Oh, she had to use the restroom," Lara explained. "She's _the_ kindest soul ever. I think you guys will really click."

Ellie was about to open her mouth to say that this was basically a business meeting, there wasn't really any reason for her and this artist to _click_ , when she realized Lara had said _she_. She'd half-expected the artist to be a man, as the work reminded her of Gustav Klimt's and she'd pictured meeting some reincarnated form of him.

She heard the _clop clop_ of winter boots approaching their table, and suddenly an outstretched arm was thrust into her field of vision. She froze upon hearing the voice, a voice _so familiar_ she thought she might be dreaming.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Lewis. I absolutely _loved_ your book. I'm…"

The words died away as she lifted her head to meet the artist's eyes. Eyes that looked right into hers…

" _Aster Flores?_ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer: I know nothing about being an actual author, so the whole book publishing process is totally foreign to me hahaaaa please play along with it


End file.
